Monday, December 1, 2008

Killing Myself for Christmas and other Cheery Holiday Tunes

As I was getting ready to decorate my Yuka x-mas tree and put on some holiday music, I realized I have really cynical or morbid taste in Christmas tunes. Maybe it's because I think holidays are capitalist inventions to bring consumers to a frenzy where they happily overspend and hoard useless items under the guise of "giving". Or maybe because to me holidays conveniently exist to excuse people's bad and thoughtless behavior for the rest of the year. Dunno, but here are a few of my favorite toe tappers for the Holiday Season. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight) by the Ramones
I love you and you love me
And that's the way it's got to be
I loved you from the start
'Cause Christmas ain't the time for breaking each other's hearts

I Will Be Hating You for Christmas by Everclear

I must be losing my mind
Theres gotta be a better way to deal with the pain
There's gotta be a better way to deal with the hate
Wish that I could find some way to make you go away
Wish that I could have a drink and make you fade
I wish that I could have myself a drink and make you fade
I wish that I could have a drink and make you go away
Yeah make you go away
Wish that I could make you go away
I will be hating you for Christmas
Yeah I will be hating you for Christmas...

Killing Myself for Christmas by Sick Puppies

I could slice my wrist but you know it'll only get real messy
(Angry parent: Look at the mess you made)
I could shoot myself but you know they would never recognize me
(Angry parent: That's not my boy, that's not him)
I can take that mistletoe
And hang myself from the Christmas tree
(Angry boss: That Christmas tree is coming out of your parking money)

Another Lonely Christmas by Prince
Oh baby, last night, oh, I spent another lonely, lonely Christmas
Darling, baby, U, U should've been there
Cuz all the ones I dream about
U are the one that makes my love shout
U see, U are the only one I care 4, yeah

My mama used 2 say always trust your lover
But now I guess that only applies 2 her
Cuz baby, U promised me
Baby, U promised me U'd never leave
Then U died on the 25th day of December

Santa Baby by Ertha Kitt

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Christmas in Jail by the Youngsters
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year
They are singing down the Street
While everybody is having Christmas turkey
They given bread and water to eat
Wore my shoes pacing the floor
Got rocks in my head
I wished I was dead
Ain't gonna drink and drive no more

Things We Don't Need Anymore by Jenny Owen Youngs
Hark the herald angels sing
But not for us my dear
I can't recall a single thing
Worth celebrating this year

Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Tear down the lights
We don't need them anymore...

1 comment:

Racer-X said...

Ertha Kitt is so hot. OMG! what a woman.

Well she pretty much nailed the holiday spirit. Angels we have heard on high - Tell us to go out and buy!

i'd love to take credit for that line, but the honors go to Tom Lehrer, former professor of mathmatics at harvard, singer and song writer. it's part of his "A Christmas Carol"

"Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and dont say when.
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On christmas day you cant get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
Theres time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expensell
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
Just the thing I need! how nice!
It doesnt matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
Whats important is the price.

Hark the herald tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend kris kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Dont stand underneath when they fly by."