Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Geese Hunting Season!

You’d think in this election year with the first viable black candidate that I’d be at every Obama rally. Oh, it’s not that easy to move me politically, dear readers. But then there comes a cause that one cannot turn away from. It affects an entire community and threatens the welfare of generations to come. Yes, exactly, I am talking about the geese droppings that blanket the Lake Merritt area in my wonderful hometown of Oakland!

As an Oaklanese I grew up frequenting Lake Merritt, the pearl of Oakland, playing at the kiddie parks, picnicking on the grass, and even boating on the water. My parents never worried about sanitation issues because the lake and surrounding area, aside from the seasonal stench, was a great place for people of all ages to enjoy.

Fast forward to 20 years later. My beautiful lake is now a wasteland for geese poop! There is literally not one inch of poop-free surface. My neighbor cannot take her granddaughter picnicking there. My friend cannot go for runs with her dog because it’s like dodging minds to jog the lake. When she goes to pick up her dog’s litter, she has to drudge through the mounds of geese poop to get to it. Who is accountable for geese waste then?

I’m normally not anti-immigration, but it’s precisely due to these Canadian geese that we now have the filth issue. They come through and stay in the thousands. Why not just kill them you say, you’ll even supply the bb guns (okay, now I’m just obviously projecting)? Poison them, smash their eggs, sic dobermans or better yet, sell them to merchants from nearby Chinatown to hang them roasted displayed at restaurant windows. Unfortunately, none of this can take place. Why?

The lake area is the proud home of the oldest Wildlife Sanctuary in the country. That means it’s a no-kill zone for these lucky geese bastards. So, who’s protecting the people’s health and guaranteeing all can partake in the wonders of the lake? Uh, no one, I mean no one is allowed. The bird loving fools of this city have successfully used the sanctuary argument to protect the precious geese and their precious poop, Jim Ryugo, Public Works manager explained. He was of course slightly more diplomatic.

Sane residents of Oakland have also raised voice. So, after a decade of enduring the poop drama, the city finally bought a “nature sweeper” that arrived in mid-July of this year. With budget cuts however, it seems one part-time "nature sweeper" driver is hardly enough for the daily cleanup required. Additionally, with the insurmountable task of clearing out tons of poop, the machine has suffered more dents than it has made. It's been in the shop most of the summer Parks Superintendent, Roy Morgan, disclosed to me.

So, I call for geese hunting season. As it is illegal to kill these mofos, I will just have to get out my frustration by writing this blog and fantasizing about the carnage. Oh, yes, and do my civic duty of contacting my Council Member, Nancy Nadel, and further harassing the Parks and Recreation head, Jim Ryugo. Please help and do the same. Contacts below.

Nancy Nadel, Council Woman district 3
510 238 7003
clstarks@oaklandnet.com

Jim Ryugo, Public Works/Parks and Recreation
510 615 5987
jryugo@oaklandnet.com

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